My Third Act #22 - This is what happened to me recently

Years ago I belonged to a group of women that met weekly, sat around a conference table, and discussed current events and things that were going on in our lives.

One week the subject turned to abortion and I said “I had an illegal abortion when I was a teenager”.  I assumed I would be alone when I stated this shocking information. A woman sitting across from me said “I did too”. and a few seats over “So did I”. Almost half the women spoke up and admitted this happening to them. When the meeting was over, after everyone had left the room, one of the women came up to me and said “That’s the first time I’ve ever said that out loud!”  It was a light bulb moment for me. I knew then that some day I would figure out some way to discuss what is shocking and shame filled for most who have experienced it.

When the fun and funny book my friend and I were writing got curtailed due to covid, I decided the time had come to write my memoir and share the things that had been done to me when I was a child. I had experienced a depression in my late thirties that made me realize I needed to see a child psychiatrist and do the work I hadn’t done to heal my inner child. I did a lot of work over the years and was finally comfortable to write about and then speak to others about sexual abuse. 

I picked up a few hundred copies of my book (A Life in Three Acts) at the publishers on May 13th and, a friend who runs an active political group that I had once been a part of, asked me to speak about it that very night!  The main speaker was a woman running for school board. 

After I was introduced, I started by telling the group the story about that group and the subject being abortion and then I said that it’s more difficult to speak about sexual abuse for many reasons. One, there is shame involved. It’s icky to speak about. And, it doesn’t always hurt - often, the abuse occurs with someone you trust and like. 

Anyway, the talk was very well received and I sold 20 copies of the book. During the Q&A the candidate stood up, thanked me for speaking about this very difficult subject and proceeded to tell us that her mother was raped and she was the product of that rape! She said she was always told she wasn’t wanted and shouldn’t have been born. And, that she was also raped!  I hugged her and thanked her for being so brave.  

After I had signed all the books and everyone left or was leaving the room, a woman came up to me and quietly said “It happened to me too”.

I wrote the book for two reasons. One - for me. I had such a difficult childhood and found it difficult to answer the usual questions people ask when first forming a new friendship. I’m very honest and, not willing to lie, I also didn’t want to go into a lot of detail to explain the missing details of questions that I would be asked. They would read the book and understand what happened in my childhood that made answering questions difficult. And, two, I wanted to help those stuck in the abuse they suffered when young. I knew I could do that. For decades I called myself a survivor thinking that was enough until the depression stopped me in my tracks. For me surviving wasn’t enough. I had to get beyond that. I was using the term thriver until the friend who asked me to speak told me to stop using that word. She called me a warrior and said that’s the word I should use.  

She’s right!